Communication and Negotiation

The morning after; A bitter pill, the bitter truth The idea of retroactively withdrawing consent arose during an episode of The Third Rail on which I was the guest. The episode aired on May 1, 2016. We were talking about unconscious sex (which is a […]

Words mean something Meaning: noun What is meant by a word, text, concept, or action (Oxford Dictionary) We live in this wonderful culture of freedom. Personal freedom, personal expression, they are wonderful things. I love that I can be myself, I […]

I can call you “Sir”, you say? Are you allowing me to call you Sir? How gracious of you! Really! I just met you but you are being kind enough to grant me a short-cut to a large portion of the process of building relationships, trust and […]

From “SSC” and “RACK” to the “4Cs”: Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation. The existing models don’t quite do it. Within the BDSM community, we use phrases like “safe, sane and […]

Is it time to retire “SSC”? I think so. There is a prevailing tendency within our community to look at milder BDSM activities as Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) and the rougher/tougher practices as Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK). I have […]

Tell Me A Story Imagine that you are planning on having a scene with someone. What elements are you considering? Your toys? Your techniques? Where and when? Perhaps, you are contemplating adding psychological elements to your play. These are all […]

Narcissism: The current N-Word It probably isn’t the one you are thinking. There is a new n-word that has risen through the ranks to be the ultimate slur … narcissist. But, is being narcissistic really the evil that it is portrayed to be? Are […]