Singing a Robert Burns song is traditional …

Happy 2017!  Here’s some Robert Burns for you …

robert burns

So, we survived 2016! There is a tradition that we break into a chorus of Auld Lang Sine. I thought I would share another ditty written by the Scot.  While it can’t be said for certain whether this was penned by the Robert Burns, it was published shortly after his death in the Merry Muses of Caledonia.  The famous Scottish Bard had a fondness for the ribald verse and collected several samples of the naughty poems and ballads.

Oor Gudewife’s Sae Modest (from Mery Muses of Caledonia, accredited to Robert Burns)

Oor gudewife’s sae modest,
When she is set at meat,
A laverock’s leg, or a tittlin’s wing,
Is mair than she can eat;

But, when she’s in her bed at e’en,
Between me an the wa’;
She is a glutton deevil,
She swallaes cocks an a’

Yeah, that’s right … I’m sharing a song about deep throat. Happy New Year … may your throats be full (or may you be filling throats) in this new calendar year.

Nine Inch will Please a Lady (also published in Merry Muses of Caledonia)

“Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
“My dame come tell me truly,
“What length o graith, when weel ca’d hame,
“Will sair a wumman duly?”

The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready–
I learned a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.–

But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth, we’re nae sae gentle;
We’ll tak tway thoum-breid to the nine,
An that’s a sonsy pentle:

O Leeze me on my Chairlie lad,
I’ll ne’er forget my Chairlie!
Tway roarin handfus an a daud,
He nidge’t it in fou rarely.–

But weary fa’ the laithron doup,
An mey it ne’er be thrivin!
It’s no the length that maks me lowp,
But it’s the dooble drivin.–

Come nidge me, Tam, come nidge me,
Tam, Come nidge me ower the nyvel!
Come lowse & lug your batterin ram,
An thrash him at my gyvel!

While nine inches are reportedly all it takes to please a lady, it is actually your skill in double driving with your battering ram.  It appears that this lady likes it rough too!

Cheers!  I hope you liked my celebration of New Year’s, Burns Night and the Chinese New Year (all in one special)

The audio files were recorded by my lovely sister, Moira.

Camille Beaujolie
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Camille Beaujolie

On-Air Personality at Stereo-Typed on TPOK Radio
Host of Stereo-Typed on TPOK Radio, an educational, research-based internet radio show/podcast that seeks to challenge beliefs about and within the Alternative Sexuality cultures. Contributor to the TPOK Monthly newsletter.
Camille Beaujolie
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